A child can not choose, circumstances in which it is born. Some parents are already beginning was not really together. But many still choose the standard version of the path to child: love, engaged, married. The child finally is the final crowning of the family fortune. It is planned, so it works well in many cases. Then parents are people like everyone else: they are fallible, stressed, annoyed, but also loving and responsible, mindful and present. They do for their children what they can.
But what happens if it is different? If the idyll, than the one experienced the partnership and marriage in its early stages yet, despite all intentions in anger, abuse, Profanity, violence, fraud or even dissolve?
The two that had done so tight, "forever" stay together, are suddenly two deeply wounded people. You have to deal with broken dreams and wounded souls. After a partnership disappointment today simply turn off its back and to disperse sounds so easy, but probably the least successful. First, the wounds are open, and there are people who develop a great talent for it also to keep open. The separation from bed and board, the separation of the apartment, even a divorce can entangled in one another, another injured partner to bring not really deal. Suddenly messages fly back and forth, brought by third parties. It is threatened and insulted, vilified and blamed. Rumors are spread. The common sense of the other is being questioned, made his interpersonal skills in dispute. That in itself is a condition that is difficult and exhausting. It can convert between two people sometimes degenerate into a real war.
too big, too serious sometimes the humiliation suffered, as could the former partners or spouses apart walk upright. Most unfortunately, is also located in such a situation also still quite existing remote possibility, help to take advantage.
, imagine between all the front of a child. It is existentially dependent the reliability of his parents on their good presence on the constancy and predictability of their speeches and actions. It is completely dependent of the people who have given him life, and the feel it, even if it can not name it - small as it is.
The child is between these fronts, in the midst of the escalation of emotions. Not only does it overlook the situation in general can not because the fighting above his eye level. Not merely that the most important people in his life, suddenly degrade each other, yell at or anschweigen and thus make its hold in the life in question . Not only has it experienced a tension that it must relate to because he no one says that it bears no blame for all this. All this is in itself is a great weight there.
it actually comes to separation or divorce, many parents go one step further. The child, already inevitably overwhelmed by the new, unpredictable situation between the parents, is now the subject.
The little person who is so helpless in the middle of the action, is used.
begins when the ostensibly innocent-looking "Tell your father to ...", the result of the refusal to communicate with parents, to the tangible custody battle. In between is a whole range of hair-raising practices of the parents: The child is made a substitute partner or to the suggestion box, the errand boy, an instrument of hatred, for leverage. If there is to fight for custody or access rights, then the original marriage dispute is sometimes shifted to the back of the child. Then it's suddenly important to represent the feuding partners, who is the better parent to face in this area as their own moral superiority the other to demonstrate. It is being fought, whom the child "is one" who has a right to it and under what conditions. The child is being manipulated for the purpose to make a statement, who loves it more. Depending on which parent in this game, the more skillful hands, the child the other parent, finally more or less alienated and has to cope with it apart from all others, even the loss of a model.
The concept of child well-being experiences, unfortunately, still in this context hardly a tribute. The involvement of the two warring parents is too great for the view that could be directed at what the child to his Well-served. First, the parties are in dispute rather more about who the child is doing well. This is of course in the eyes of most of his own person, not the opposite.
falls under the table with all the wrangling, the fact that a child needs both parents . It may be that the divided up bile but also and especially in cases of separation and the resulting stress situation for the child they are asked as parents. were From the moment of conception, these two persons parents of this child, and they will remain on their own death. This state of parenthood is irreversible, and it is inseparable with responsibilities. Regardless of who is on which more failures in marriage and who is less culpable, is the child of a loving, assigned him facing parents. This fact is in divorce and custody battles unfortunately far too little taken into account. It is still too much for tenure and for justice have. have to suffer the consequences of grave conflicts, the children - has been shown to enter into adulthood.
The behavior of the parents in such cases of conflict characterizes the men's and women's image of children as well as the assessment of their intrinsic value as a person, their behavior later in their own relationships in adulthood and general view of interpersonal interaction. Seen in this light, the responsibility of the parents will probably barely rated high enough.
A child can not choose the circumstances in which it is born. It has no chance to withdraw from stressful situations. It can not change its dependence on the parents do not come out , and it is not able to select aware of what harms him and what not. It is the responsibility of parents to raise sufficient attention to the personality of their children and for their sake reliable in their capacity as parents, love and to remain respectful, in spite of all differences the couple's relationship. Here no one is perfect. Responsibility can mean in this case also, take help from the outside to overcome their differences to complete. A divorce may sometimes be unavoidable, but it is in the hands of the adult participants, whether the consequences become a trauma for the child or not.
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